Skip to Main Navigation | Skip to Content | Skip to Footer Navigation
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
October 23, 2017, 10:56:31 AM
Home Help Search Login Register
News: SMF - Just Installed!

+  Never Away Message Board
|-+  General Category
| |-+  General Discussion
| | |-+  Just for a sec i thought she was there.
« previous next »
Pages: [1] Print
Author Topic: Just for a sec i thought she was there.  (Read 7796 times)
Breeze
Newbie
*
Posts: 11


View Profile
« on: January 31, 2011, 10:24:04 AM »

I lost my baby girl my beautiful two year old girl my whole life my heart on 8/1/11 now I'm lost heartbroken and hurting so very badly sitting here holding her pyjamas looking into an empty pram, i almost feel i should look or maybe sit next to her cot but every time i see its empty my heart sinks its been to long already and i need to hold her now just can't wait no longer, could not possibly hurt any more, should have been me she was just so good so brave with the best smile! No more please
Logged
ivan
Administrator
Jr. Member
*****
Posts: 53


View Profile
« Reply #1 on: February 02, 2011, 12:40:54 AM »

Dear Breeze

I cannot begin to immagine your agony..although my loss was a 20yr old son..some five uears ago and still feel him around me at all times.
I can only say that somehow your body and mind by a natural reaction even through trauma seem to give inner strength for survival....
The hurt you experience is of love which will never leave you...
Hold on and I believe nature will see you through and possibly at times the loved one gone help you also.
You are not alone 

Ivan
Logged
Breeze
Newbie
*
Posts: 11


View Profile
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2011, 01:20:25 AM »

I feel so very lost at certain times of the day i get up to get something ready or do medicines then i remember can't do that any more, i not really sleeping can't even begin to explain the feeling's looking upon an empty cot yet that don't seem to stop me waking wen I drift off thinking i can hear her, putting the light on at all comes rushing back then the feelings of i will never hold my baby again, each day gets worse gets longer, I'm trying so hard to keep myself together as i also have a nine year old daughter, but i just don't know how long i can go on like this for, its like choosing or waiting I'm finding everyday chores terrible everything i do reminds me i have no baby no more, there's is a massive chunk of me missing and i will never get that back i will never feel the same.
Logged
ivan
Administrator
Jr. Member
*****
Posts: 53


View Profile
« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2011, 12:18:23 PM »

Dear Breeze

After such a Traumatic experience you mind and body have taken such a pounding that really only inneer strength and possible determination will assist you in taking each as it comes..
As I mentioned earlier even after years my sons room is, as it was and will rmain so...other want immediate change...each parent has its own way of dealing with the shock....I also found night time the worse as it is when all is quite that the mind truly takes over....the big hole created in your heart will possibly never be filled again...you will with time and strength learn to cope...at times it feels almost impossible...but....you will get through it...we all do somehow..
Talking to the departed can be comforting.. as it seems and feels they are still around you....

Keep coming back and express yourself......it should help...


Ivan
Moderator
 
Logged
Breeze
Newbie
*
Posts: 11


View Profile
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2011, 02:37:41 AM »

Thank you and I'm sorry for your loss too although those words  are never enough or quite right I'm beginning to understand that there is good intention from people who say it! Apart from you or other people in this situation will know that's never enough, there will be nothing you can ever say but i  know you tried.. x Shocked
Logged
Breeze
Newbie
*
Posts: 11


View Profile
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2011, 03:13:59 AM »

My girl my baby girl how i long to hold you tonight if only i were sure you were alright i could rest for just a little while, to climb into bed and listen i used to be able to do that a flick of the light oh you were alright now a flick of the light bring's a heavy heart alone now can't even fall asleep dream and pretend its alright..
Logged
Breeze
Newbie
*
Posts: 11


View Profile
« Reply #6 on: March 09, 2011, 05:09:30 AM »

I hate night's now they punish me and how long each night seem's the clock I'm sure is going slower than normal tonight can't even remember wat a good night sleep is, yet i long for it so much i wish to be in a place in my dream a dream where you wake and it feel so real, i want that i used to dream well i used to sleep! Days still drag and thing's don't ever seem to feel better although I'm getting so much better at lying now, now when the odd brave person ask's how I'm doing now i can almost smile and say ok thank's and you! Hardly ever leave my house anymore not just cos i can't hardly bare to talk to people, find it hard just leaving her thing's yet looking around still don't want to believe dust beginning to gather now can't smell her on anything no more have started using her bath stuff just a little on my hands before i get out brings back little memories and brings the tears flooding on! Miss my baby girl so much mummy's angel there is not one thing i would not do to hold her again just to know she is ok! Its a waiting game now .to go though the motion's of day to day living but alway's waiting forever loving never forgetting.x
Logged
Breeze
Newbie
*
Posts: 11


View Profile
« Reply #7 on: March 24, 2011, 10:25:01 AM »

As the world fall's around me, I ask myself for how much longer can i cope when i can see no hope!
Logged
ivan
Administrator
Jr. Member
*****
Posts: 53


View Profile
« Reply #8 on: April 03, 2011, 10:48:35 AM »

As the world fall's around me, I ask myself for how much longer can i cope when i can see no hope!

It is amazing how the  human mind can somehow find inner
strength or willingness to plod on and on.. day by day..
I have realised so after five years

Ivan
Logged
Breeze
Newbie
*
Posts: 11


View Profile
« Reply #9 on: April 26, 2011, 09:40:46 AM »

Having a real bad morning today seem to miss my girl more and more.I need a mummy cuddle more than ever! Can't even remember how she smelt any more, my heart is broken and each day gets harder more alone then ever more tears than i can deal with.
Logged
Breeze
Newbie
*
Posts: 11


View Profile
« Reply #10 on: September 08, 2011, 11:13:40 PM »

day by day...things don't get easier days don't get better yes i get up get my daughter ready for school got a job now so go to work come home feed her and the dog clean the house that seems to keep people from thinking your not coping! i have sat alone almost every night nothing i do makes me feel any better this is not living this is keeping going not really sure why is almost like choosing, one angel baby all alone i long to be with or one independent child that i know is fine, i know that does not quite sound right but that is how i feel. I don't want to be here anymore i love both my girls so very much and i would never want her to feel the way i do, its tearing me apart i long to know my babys ok, i pray i don't wake in the morning to another day!
Logged
Breeze
Newbie
*
Posts: 11


View Profile
« Reply #11 on: October 23, 2012, 01:11:26 AM »

i miss you so much amberlee there is nothing i would do to see you again hold you smell you know your safe, you left me broken when you left me just a lonely shell of a person. its your birthday coming up soon and christmas which is the worst time of the year your sister and i fight all the time the dog still sits by your things in our bedroom, i have managed to put a few things away now so instead of it looking like you never left it now looks like a shrine and still breaks my heart day after day which is properly why i dont sleep much, i finally given up hope your coming  home to me and all i wish for now is a dream where i see you where i get to know your ok where i get to hold you see you be there. its not even funny that i dont even seem to be given that feels like the worst punishment any one could ever get. love forever and always your ever loving mummy x x x Cry
Logged
ivan
Administrator
Jr. Member
*****
Posts: 53


View Profile
« Reply #12 on: October 25, 2012, 07:52:38 PM »

Remember you are never alone

come back

Ivan
Bereaved parent
Logged
Breeze
Newbie
*
Posts: 11


View Profile
« Reply #13 on: February 06, 2014, 01:43:46 AM »

I've just lost purpose and heart . My daughter she gave me joy happiness love hope purpose its all gone now, days followed by nights turning into weeks months years has the pain gone away quite simply No it gets hidden tucked away and even that split second when I feel im ready to think of her my whole world turns upside again its such a tremendous unimaginable unthinkable hurt that my heart feels such utter sadness and loneliness everyday every single day I fed up with life im just getting to the point were I don't even wanna get up anymore I don't want to be this way I just don't have anything left I do often wish I could talk to someone anyone but I don't really have anyone people will say hi around town but thats my social interaction done should I walk the dog maybe a hi , its like feeling so sad so depressed and I honestly can't find hope I just don't know how to change things if thats even possible I often think maybe I could talk to my doctor then I try to imagine what I would say how I could explain my feelings and realize I just can't do that either I might be considered a total wackjob or how could someone understand believe that things are just that bad you don't wanna go on you really have just had enough of my life, and if I ever had the courage what could be done a pill maybe an antidepressant would that really make things better I just cant seem how. I cant think of what to do anymore everything seems pointless nothing will ever bring her back I will never hold her never smell her I hardly even use her name anymore saying it only brings the tears how I long for things to be over. I miss you every day amberlee you were my world you made me so happy your smile could fill my heart with love and pride aways and forever mummy ♥
Logged
Pages: [1] Print 
« previous next »
Jump to:  


Login with username, password and session length

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.18 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Copyright 2007, Never Away - charity organisation helping those in need